who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
