Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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