y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
