i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
