Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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