remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
