You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
