He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize