Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
