FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
