It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize