Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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