i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
