just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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