Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
