Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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