her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
