So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
please don't ironically join a cult
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