found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
