my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
