clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
