I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
