Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
