i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize