A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
