i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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