my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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