I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
