nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
