Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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