I faked an abortion last night.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
