Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
