Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
