IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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