He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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