I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
