Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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