how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
