the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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