Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sex in a hospital.. check
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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