Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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