If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
