when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
