and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
