Cold hands, warm shart.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
