I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
its liver damage thursday
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