grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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