Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
