he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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