If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
