At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
