I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
