I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
