I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
