He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I am one with the molecules
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
