Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
