Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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