Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize