I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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