So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
