Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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