I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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