Hippo gnu deer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
