Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need moral support for this bender
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
