i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
