Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
