I'm gonna have a badass scar
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have post one night stand depression
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