if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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