They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
