Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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