how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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