It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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