I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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