Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
