OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
