I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
