never play flip cup with pint glasses
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
