Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
