oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
